096 The Top Ten Records That Came Out Yesterday

For my return to the ramblings of weekly releases, i seem to have chosen one of the WORST days imaginable. Whatever. Who releases records on the first Tuesday of a year anyway? Most of these are imports... And since I tend to find listings differ from website to website, from now on, i will hereby only consult one. Amazon. When Amazon has it for sale is when it's released. Good? Great! (Of course i will take into consideration albums not available from Amazon, provided i know about them.) Now let's see what garbage came out of record store speakers yesterday, shall we?


*** The Top Ten Records Released on January 3, 2006 ***

10 Rammstein - Rosenrot (special edition)

Good God, what is wrong with me? I have chosen Rammstein to top off this week's top 10 list. A special limited 2 disc edition even. Trust me, the pickens are mighty mighty slim. All I can really say about Rammstein is Du. Du hast. Du hast mich. And in all seriousness, i have removed that song from my ipod, which was only there to crack people up to begin with. And it never worked. People just thought i was nuts. They didn't see it as quality humor like I did. Certain songs work every time, though. For instance, the classic "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by the sultry Rupert Holmes. I'd rather be talking about Rupert Holmes. When oh when will Ruup be putting out his long awaited comeback album, most certainly to be Rick Rubin-produced?

I really don't like System of a Down too much either. I appreciate their goofy musicianship and mind boggling way of getting obvious anti-hits like "Chop Suey" on the radio. The first time I heard that, I actually spoke aloud to the DJ. "What the fuck is this?" It was like a bizarro version of D.R.I. or something. Now when is that D.R.I. comeback album?

MP3: I'd Rather Be Sleeping - D. R. I.



09 Tom Green - Prepare For Impact

The worst part is this. Amazon is saving all of the pages I go to so they can create a better profile page for me. "Hey, Robert Nanna, if you like Rammstein and Tom Green, you'll absolutely love this new industrial eardrum drill! Click here!" What a garbage garbage week. You know what the single from this is? "Teachers Suck." And it comes with a DVD so you can watch the "Teachers Suck" video as well. Dot Dot Dot. Tom Green will be celebrating his 35th birthday this year. I am just baffled.

You know what's a great movie? Meatballs. The original with Bill Murray. If i could I would link to an mp3 of Bill's entire opening monologue from that movie, I would. It's a wonder that the passage is not included in "great monologues for audtions" books. The part where he gets out of bed all achy and goes "OH! OHHHH! OOOOOHHHHi am your head counselor, and this is my wake up show. I'll be coming atcha every morning. About dis tiiiimeee...." Great movie. Although the soundtrack can be grating at times. Hey, maybe you like the sweet sounds of nails on a chalkboard. Hey, maybe you like hearing Tom Green sing about Hooters.

MP3: Star Wars (from snl) - Bill Murray



08 Richard Simmons - Country Cardio

This is officially the worst week in music history. "Put the fun back in your cardio workout with these pumped-up versions of favorite country classics." You know that Richard will be singing along to such standards as "Leaving on a Jet Plane" and "You're Still The One" and... um... "Always On My Mind?" How will that get your heart rate up? "Stand By Your Man?" What the? Seems like the ol' hitchhiker stretch is a main part of the routine as shown on the cover. Richard will be celebrating his 56th birthday this year. And he's still sweatin' but now he's supersweatin.' How does he maintain the hair is what i wanna know? And the length of the shorts. Not getting any longer. Richard. Keepin it real... so...

MP3: Richard Simmons - Hot Rod Circuit



07 Richard Simmons - Big Screen Burn

Out of all of the jams on the Top Gun soundtrack, Richard chooses "Take My Breath Away?" What kind of sweating are we talking bout here? Ay-yo. Yawn. Speaking of sweating. i'm sweating writing another word about this travesty of a record.

You know what's great? Mario Party 7 for Gamecube. My wonderful girlfriend bought me a Gamecube for Christmas and we haven't stopped playing it since it came out of the wrapping paper. Finally I can revel in the madness of goofy cartoon characters on wild and crazy missions to collect coins or shells or whatnot while being chased by absurd villians with spiked turtle shells. Stupid Bowser.

MP3: Super Mario Bros. Theme




06 Inner Self: Feng Shui

At work today, I was accused of trying to put everyone to sleep by playing songs from Broken Social Scene's Feel Good Lost. Hey, it was the end of the day and I wanted to signify the cool down period of any long period of activity. In fact, I bet "Take My Breath Away" is during Richard's cool down period. That would make sense I guess.

I'm so Feng Shui, my dresser is in my closet. No need for a stack of drawers to be messing up my place of relaxation. However, I do have a TV in my room (see Gamecube comment above) and I have racks chock full of CDs and records, but you see, i'm so Feng Shui, i have arranged them by SPINE COLOR! Soothing. Very soothing.

MP3: I Slept With Bonhomme At The CBC - Broken Social Scene


05 Shopgirl - Original Score

We had 3 hours to kill before the Anathallo / Owen show at the Abbey Pub, so upon Lauren's suggestion we went to see Shopgirl, the full length motion picture based on the little novella penned by wild and crazy guy, Steve Martin, starring Steve, Claire Danes, and Jason Schwartzman. Now, i had read the novella a few years ago, finding it pleasant enough. Nothing to write home about. Nothing to write a novella about. And not much to make a movie about either...

I think the main problem was this. When I was reading the novella, i never imagined Mr. Martin playing the lead male role. I dunno. I just imagined someone much younger woo-ing Ms. Buttersfield. I was taken way out of the story. The highlight of the movie was the inclusion of amazing-songwriter/terrible-actor Mark Kozelek. When he appeared onstage playing “Lily and Parrots,” I nearly dropped my sandwich right there in the theater. And then when it was clear that he’d be a major player in the action, I was back in... but only to hear him sing and attempt to, you know. There’s a quick snippet of him singing “Make Like Paper” on the tour bus that’s nice. “She lives in a house where Mission Street bends.” And then, during the obligatory montage, we are treated to the best song on that first SKM album, “Carry Me Ohio.” What a joy! This all has nothing to do with the Original Score, released yesterday. I’m sure it’s great, though. If nothing else, it’s a nice background while you’re text messaging in a packed theater.

MP3: Glenn Tipton - Sun Kill Moon




04 Inner Self: Sleep

Sleep. Is it where you’re a viking? Last night, I was being framed for murder after someone planted phony plans into my wallet which I had misplaced. I’m sure if I was listening to Inner Self: Sleep at the time, specifically hot jams like "Primal Reflection" and "Cathedral of Trees," i’d be floating along on fluffy tofu clouds.

To be honest, soft soothing music rarely has the intended effect on me. Not sure why. If anything, it makes me want to do something productive. And the opposite is also true. Someone put on a Curl Up And Die CD today and it immediately turned me into Mr. Lethargy. I really just wanted to Curl Up And Nap... And, if you’re having some trouble waking up, take the advice of my good friend Chris Common and throw on some Stevie.

MP3: We Can Work It Out - Stevie Wonder



03 Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong - The Love Songs

I think this album has already been released in the US, but now it's worldwide baby. and it's a real treat. Think you know what song title is represented on Alabama's license plates? Guess again, Lynyrd, cause it's the Parrish/Perkins composition known as "Stars Fell On Alabama" and it never sounds as sweet as it does coming from Ella & Louis. Yahoo! So that's what we're dealing with here. Another great jam is "Under a Blanket of Blue." Personally, I'd go for the 3 disc set that came out about 5 years ago with the complete recordings, but hey, valentine's day is only a hop skip away, you know?

A quick side note. As I was researching "Stars Fell on Alabama," I came across a sham of a mockery of a travesty. Apparently some jokers called Lucky Oceans recorded a song called "Stars Fell On Al's Banana." I refuse to even search for it. Not interested.

MP3: Stars Fell On Alabama - Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong



02 The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth

First impressions, indeed, kind sirs. Why i do remember the night that I realized The Strokes were a damn catchy band! It was in Seattle and it was during the first Vagrant tour. It was at some bar. You know, the hip one. I met some guys from Pretty Girls Make Graves there and I may have asked one of them what was playing. It was "Last Nite." Funny, because I thought I knew it. The melody. The rhythm. But this was the first i was told of it and of course it was before they blew up yadda yadda. I'm not that out of the loop, people! Hmm, the loop people. Anyway, my point is, they surely didn't have to grow on you. They were just there. You didn't have to sit and ponder. You just had to nod your head. In agreement. But with the songs I've heard from this new record, it may take some time. It seems a lot looser in a lot of ways, and when did the drummer get so good? Did they get a new one or something?

"You Only Live Once" is instantly catchy but some of the other tracks had me scratching my head. And.. my research has once again got me into trouble as i stumbled upon HealthyStrokes.com, "a site about masturbation and you!" The FBI will have some file on me, itellyouwhat. Richard Simmons, Tom Green, and now this. Great.

MP3: Pretty Girls Make Graves - The Smiths


01 Bob Dylan - Blood On The Tracks (vinyl classics reissue) (import)

Nope, it's not vinyl. It's a CD that's made and packaged to look like one. It's also been available in the US for awhile now. But I just couldn't bear to put this album any further back than number 1 because it's my absolute favorite album of the moment. Even though the logic behind reissuing a CD mockup of vinyl is fuzzier than surface noise (questionable comparison), i can't help but wonder what it was like on that (buckets of) rainy day back in 1975. You know what? It was released on January 17, 1975 so it may have been buckets of snow actually. Anyway, bringing it home from the store, dropping the needle and after a second or two... "Tangled Up In Blue." OMG. Even in 1975, they were saying OMG after they heard a hot jam. And to think, they still had "Idiot Wind" "You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go" "If You See Her, Say Hello" and "Buckets of Rain" to get to. I'm jealous. I was negative 6 months at this time, so i can only hope i heard it in passing...

Neko Case does a commendable job with Buckets of Rain. It appeared on the Hear Music "Sweetheart" compilation. In the liner notes she writes, "This song reminds me of being eight years old and thinking it was really cool that a guy my dad liked, like Bob Dylan, would put monkeys and bikes in songs just for kids. I thought that was very equal opportunity." Not really explaining why she chose to cover this for a comp of love songs, but whatever. I guess it works. I ain't no monkey but i know what i like.

MP3: Buckets of Rain - Neko Case



Well, thankfully that's it. I think there are some gems coming out next week. See you tomorrow.