040 Good Grief

We all knew it was coming and sooner rather than later. My grandma had been suffering from Alzheimer’s for at least 4 years now and in those 4 years, I only really saw her twice, and i doubt she even knew who I was... despite the fact that between ages 0-15, we lived practically around the block from her and my grandpa. We’d go there at least once a week for dinner or just to hang and she always had the most amazing pastry items for dessert. In fact, I remember skipping the usually meaty main course and heading straight for the sweets. She did these traditional Polish “kalachkis” (phonetically spelled of course) which was flaky dough sorta hugging a sweet filling of fruits or cheese and always topped off with powdered sugar. Many was the day I left there with white dust all over the front of my shirt. Ew... And of course, who could forget our semi-annual walks to Saturday night mass church where she was always equipped with bubble gum, which helped to keep me quiet during the boring sermons.

I knew the call was coming and it was another awkward family event made even more uncomfortable by the circumstances... I’ve been to my fair share of funerals and wakes and for the most part, the person that is laying there in the casket is only vaguely reminiscent of the one you once knew and loved. This was no different. I hadn’t seen her for awhile, sure, but i dunno. I felt really disconnected as though I was looking at a stranger. So, as I sat there in the chapel and thought about walking to church and the powdered sugar and how she actually prayed out loud while watching a Bulls playoff game (“Lord Jesus, help them win.”) or how she used to sneak food to our dog under the table, I was solemn... but not overly sad.

Until you realize that your big tough dad, the superman almighty of your youth, had been crying. And that’s how they get you. Now I was so filled with grief. And i thought about all of the people that are close to me and how much i love every one of them. And i thought about how i will not waste one more second of time. My grandma was 93. I’m 29 and i still feel like i’m racing the clock to get everything I want to accomplish done. So as the priest talked about eternal life and how we’ll all be reunited again, i thought, well that’s all well and good, but what’s important is the people around me right now. It doesn’t really matter what you believe happens when it’s all over. Kindness and generosity is kindness and generosity in any religion, agnosticism, athiesm... And so, as i stepped away from the casket and out towards the cars, my last words to Grandma Nanna were “Thank you. Thank you for the bubble gum.”