014 I Cook a Choke, No Joke
...till ya heart is broken.
Thank heavens it's artichoke season. It's about that time when Castroville, CA explodes with lush flavor and the delicious ash settles all across this great land in bushels of fun at your local produce hut. Now... say "delicious ash" five times fast... I learned how to cook an artichoke about 3 years ago, and ever since then i've been refining and making the recipe my very own. I fear i may start salivating all over the keyboard if i say anymore, but i just have to. Ok, here's what you do... At the supermarket, look for chokes that are in the blooming stage, open a little but not too much... and also not completely closed. I believe this is when they are most scrumptious. Also, stay away from ones that are rubbery in texture. You want a nice crisp one with leaves that will snap if you try and bend em back. Get em home. Ooh and one more thing, just like an uncut guitar string, they can poke you pretty good. Good food does not come painlessly. Handle with care.
While amusing a cat with whimsical dancing and baby talk, remove the small wussy leaves from the stem and the first layer of small leaves with your hands. In the meantime, get the biggest fucking pot you have, fill it about halfway up with water and throw it on high heat. It will take awhile to start boiling, so you'll have time to prepare the wicked thistle. Now... say "wicked thistle" five times fast...
After threatening a cat with the sharpest, longest knife you can find (careful! see paragraph 8), cut into the choke, completely removing the top third. Discard the nasty thorny top leaves and marvel at the actual "choke" inside.
It should be a light purply color. If it is, you sure know how to pick your produce. Then, turn mr. artie choke around and cut about a half inch off of the stem, discard the end, and then cut the stem off at the base. So you should have a nice flowery blooming looking vegetable that sits flat on the board and its cut off stem... Repeat as necessary... and then wash wash wash it all well.
Throw the artichokes and the stems into the pot, which should be well on its way to boiling. Then cut a lemon in half. Squeeze the lemon over the chokes in the water. Catch the seeds. What a great action shot, huh? It's realistic to the point of being sorta disgusting. Enough! Then you drop the lemons into the pot. Then comes the tricky part. In order for the artichokes to cook evenly and correctly they need to be completely submerged. Problem is, they float. So what I do is I take a lid from a slightly smaller pan, turn it upside down and put it on top of the artichokes. That's right. A lid, too small, upside down, floating in boiling water. Weird, but it works. When you notice the water has started to boil. Add some salt to it. And now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to stop here and continue with the cooking fun tomorrow. There's so much blog already and i haven't even gotten to the canine molestation threats.
There once was a band from Kalamazoo.
Their name was Broken Hearts Are Blue.
Their song "Oh Natasha"
Was hot like kielbasa.
I wish they got big like U2.
I want to beat myself up for that horrible limerick. But I do wish that more than 100 people knew about them because then I could make a funny joke song about a warrant for Natasha Lyonne's arrest for threatening to sexually molest a dog. I just don't know what to say about this other than it is ridiculous on both sides of the issue. And i highly doubt that in the mad rage that caused Ms. Lyonne to rip down a mirror, she would calmly recite the words, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog," as the article states. We all know she has a more colorful vocabulary.
Thanks to everybody for their Playstation 2 recommendations. I'm still trying to track down Alien Hominid, but Ratchet and Clank is next on my list. Like i said, you just can't go wrong with " a small robot sidekick that you wear as a backpack." And there is still a part of me that wishes they had a serious of Playstation games specifially made for "adults" that weren't, you know, "adult themed." Like Monk, for instance. A Monk game would be great. There could be a germ-o-meter, where Adrian can only take so much before he has to wash... and in the meantime, solve murder cases... or of course, a game based on my favorite Food Network show, Iron Chef. How great would that be? I need to design this. Press X to deepfry the theme ingredient. Press R2 to reveal ingredients to Ohta. Press L1 to hurl foie gras at the chairman.
Bye.
Thank heavens it's artichoke season. It's about that time when Castroville, CA explodes with lush flavor and the delicious ash settles all across this great land in bushels of fun at your local produce hut. Now... say "delicious ash" five times fast... I learned how to cook an artichoke about 3 years ago, and ever since then i've been refining and making the recipe my very own. I fear i may start salivating all over the keyboard if i say anymore, but i just have to. Ok, here's what you do... At the supermarket, look for chokes that are in the blooming stage, open a little but not too much... and also not completely closed. I believe this is when they are most scrumptious. Also, stay away from ones that are rubbery in texture. You want a nice crisp one with leaves that will snap if you try and bend em back. Get em home. Ooh and one more thing, just like an uncut guitar string, they can poke you pretty good. Good food does not come painlessly. Handle with care.
While amusing a cat with whimsical dancing and baby talk, remove the small wussy leaves from the stem and the first layer of small leaves with your hands. In the meantime, get the biggest fucking pot you have, fill it about halfway up with water and throw it on high heat. It will take awhile to start boiling, so you'll have time to prepare the wicked thistle. Now... say "wicked thistle" five times fast...
After threatening a cat with the sharpest, longest knife you can find (careful! see paragraph 8), cut into the choke, completely removing the top third. Discard the nasty thorny top leaves and marvel at the actual "choke" inside.
It should be a light purply color. If it is, you sure know how to pick your produce. Then, turn mr. artie choke around and cut about a half inch off of the stem, discard the end, and then cut the stem off at the base. So you should have a nice flowery blooming looking vegetable that sits flat on the board and its cut off stem... Repeat as necessary... and then wash wash wash it all well.
Throw the artichokes and the stems into the pot, which should be well on its way to boiling. Then cut a lemon in half. Squeeze the lemon over the chokes in the water. Catch the seeds. What a great action shot, huh? It's realistic to the point of being sorta disgusting. Enough! Then you drop the lemons into the pot. Then comes the tricky part. In order for the artichokes to cook evenly and correctly they need to be completely submerged. Problem is, they float. So what I do is I take a lid from a slightly smaller pan, turn it upside down and put it on top of the artichokes. That's right. A lid, too small, upside down, floating in boiling water. Weird, but it works. When you notice the water has started to boil. Add some salt to it. And now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to stop here and continue with the cooking fun tomorrow. There's so much blog already and i haven't even gotten to the canine molestation threats.
There once was a band from Kalamazoo.
Their name was Broken Hearts Are Blue.
Their song "Oh Natasha"
Was hot like kielbasa.
I wish they got big like U2.
I want to beat myself up for that horrible limerick. But I do wish that more than 100 people knew about them because then I could make a funny joke song about a warrant for Natasha Lyonne's arrest for threatening to sexually molest a dog. I just don't know what to say about this other than it is ridiculous on both sides of the issue. And i highly doubt that in the mad rage that caused Ms. Lyonne to rip down a mirror, she would calmly recite the words, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog," as the article states. We all know she has a more colorful vocabulary.
Thanks to everybody for their Playstation 2 recommendations. I'm still trying to track down Alien Hominid, but Ratchet and Clank is next on my list. Like i said, you just can't go wrong with " a small robot sidekick that you wear as a backpack." And there is still a part of me that wishes they had a serious of Playstation games specifially made for "adults" that weren't, you know, "adult themed." Like Monk, for instance. A Monk game would be great. There could be a germ-o-meter, where Adrian can only take so much before he has to wash... and in the meantime, solve murder cases... or of course, a game based on my favorite Food Network show, Iron Chef. How great would that be? I need to design this. Press X to deepfry the theme ingredient. Press R2 to reveal ingredients to Ohta. Press L1 to hurl foie gras at the chairman.
Bye.
posted by Robert at 9:37 AM
12 Comments:
its a fucking shame i hate all things vegetable.
brad UK
I'm fairly certain that Kitty is the star of these pictures. Look at his little face. Incredible. What a feisty little ball of fur.
I really enjoy the new blog, but I think Megan's right. The people want more Kitty.
In light of your Monk fascination, I wanted to reiterate my "Zero Effect" recommendation.
You see, there was a feature film, written and directed by Jake Kazdan, titled "Zero Effect." It starred Bill Pullman and Ben Stiller. Apparently, nearly no one saw it in theaters. It was the story of a quirky detective and his trusted assistant. Sort of a Sherlock Holmes meets Nero Wolfe only, as I said before, quirky. (if you don’t know who Nero Wolfe is, I suggest you read some of the books by Rex Stout.)
A little while later, someone had the idea to make a television pilot for NBC based on the film The Zero Effect. They actually got Jake Kazdan to write and direct. - At the same time another production company was working on the pilot for Monk. The description of the two pilots were remarkable similar. Monk completed production prior to Kazdan’s effort and when it was picked up by USA, NBC decided they didn't need the competition and canned The Zero Effect.
To make matters worse, my favorite show was Nero Wolfe on A&E, based on the writing of Rex Stout. The show was very faithful to the source material and, cleverly, used a stock cast of actors playing different parts each episode. After two seasons, A&E cancelled Nero Wolfe apparently due to competition from Monk. Later they aired programs about the history of underwear, Hugh Hefner and the Playboy Empire, and a show about the British intelligence agency that was taken off the air after only a few showings.
The moral of the story is this: watch Zero Effect; read Rex Stout; See the Nero Wolfe show which is available in DVD sets.
On another note, I’ve had an idea for a cooking show for a while now. On the show, weekly guest musicians cook their favorite meals and then play a couple of songs. I’m the host. I eat the meal and listen to the music.
didn't jamie oliver have a band or something? i don't know, my mom told me that but she's a little bit crazy. i searched and found that he does have a cd compilation: cookin: music to cook by. haha.
and bob, i like your video game idea.
Bob - are you familiar with the book Kitchen Confidential? It's by Tony Bourdain, who hosts the show 'A Cook's Tour' and it's amazing. If you get it, that is. Some people don't get it, but they're not food people I guess. If you've never read it, I can bring it to the HM show and you can borrow it, It's one of those books you just have to pass along.
--a fellow foodie
I read Kitchen Confidential a few weeks ago. Although I couldn't put it down. I hated that guy so much. All he does is talk about what an awesome chef and how "Punk Rock" he is, while simultaneously shutting down every restaurant he ever cooks for. I read the whole book in one sitting one night when I had insomnia. The same night I read
LONGITUDE: The True Story of a Lone Genius Who Solved The Greatest Scientific Problem of His Time
as well as
Blankets
I reccomnend these two highly.
it's funny, one time my friends saw ms. lyonne at a store all cracked out, hands black, lips all dry and chapped with a handful of lighters. then when she got up to the checkout counter she stopped the line to get a bunch of candy. she used to think she was hot, then she saw this natasha and well she felt differently.
I actually bought the Broken Hearts are Blue CD many moons ago. I no longer have it thanks to an ex, so I am going to have that "gettin over my sassy self" song stuck in my head for a good week.
Thanks for all of the comments! I have seen Zero Effect, but I really don't remember too much about it... it was awhile ago. I do seem to remember being impressed that Bill didn't completely suck in it. I really should see it again... I seem to remember Jamie Oliver's band being pretty rotten but that CD looks quite alright... I have been warned about Kitchen Confidential in that he tends to pontificate (nice topical word) a lot against us vegetarians, however, i really did enjoy A Cook's Tour... Where did that show go? And, yes, Get'n Over My Sassy Self has a cemented spot on the old iPod. Hmm. How soon until mp3 weekend?
xxoo
bob
you should try roasting your artichokes. i ate at this restaurant last year where i had some and so i made some at home and they turned out great. first you quarter the artichokes and put them in a bowl of water with some fresh squeezed lemon. while they sit there for a few mintues you make some sort of herby oil connoction (use whatever herbs you fancy). i used mint. i crushed fresh mint into the olive oil and then brushed it onto the quartered artichokes while they were laying in a baking dish. i think the oven was on 400 preheating this whole time. i also covered the bottom of the pan in the same olive oil/mint so they wouldn't stick. cover the pan with aluminum foil and bake for 45 mintues to an hour. yummy.
Thanks for the tip! It usually takes me an outrageous 10 or so tries with a recipe before i get it right... But i'll try it... Also, what a great idea about having a cooking show with musicians. If you want to spearhead that operation, i'll gladly be your first patient... And lastly, there's a secret mp3 hidden in the 015 blog. Late...
xxoo
bob
Post a Comment
<< Home