Robert:

You just wouldn't believe what we did yesterday...

Working on more of the diary. I'm actually downstairs at Shattered in Columbia MO right now. It's a cold one.
posted by Robert at 8:51 PM ***

Robert:

...DAY NUMBER TWO...

It's not all miller lites and turkeys for Dan the Man Keehn. He's a well weathered tour manager who knows how to TCB, I tell you what. So, despite the usual morning/moaning protests (#1), we wake up bright and early for our long trip up to Minneapolis. Doors open there at 4! So we snack on some La Bou muffins, forego breakfast proper (#2), and get moving. About 30 minutes outside of Madison, Damon erupts. "Oh (insert various expletives here. Feel free to make some up.)!" He had discovered M's car keys in his pocket and M was soundly asleep back at the hotel. So we had to turn around and go back. To ease the smoke coming out of Dan's ears, I played some soothing music on the Pod.... The Benny Hill Show Theme.

About an hour out (the second time around), Pele honks furiously as they zoom by us at a good 80 miles an hour. We figured it was whiskey-induced, but another hour later, as I'm kicking Todd's ace in Scrabble, we find out that they knew something that we didn't. I'll give you a hint - it starts with a B and ends with a Lizzard. We're over 100 miles out of Minneapolis, we got a late start, it's an early show, we're going 40 miles an hour, braving arctic blasts, snow falling the size of actual snowmen, and Dan's getting sleepy. What do you do? What do you do???

Why, you let me drive, of course. (#3) And it's like the iPod knows, because it plays "Like the Weather" by 10,000 Maniacs! If there's one song that will get us through this raging snowstorm... it's The Benny Hill Show Theme. But 10,000 Maniacs will do just fine.

It was slow going. I wondered who's smart idea was it to book a tour of Siberia during the winter? We finally arrived 30 minutes before doors, so we had to skip soundcheck. Luckily the soundman is a swell cat.

The backstage at 7th Street Entry is (yet again) in the basement. It didn't smell as putrid as Madison, but it was pretty cold. But the place heated up when we were lucky enough to hang out with our old pal John, formerly of Compound Red. It was awesome to see him. He told us a lot about Japan and we rehashed the olden days... And then, our good friend Neil, formerly of Pachyderm Studios, came by to hang out and bring a gift for Todd (#4).

And then Pele took the stage. I love me some Pele. If you haven't seen (or heard) them, you are missing out, my feathered friend. I'll give you a sneak peek. They scatter broken cymbals all over the stage, which anyone can pick up and throw, if they wish. But there is an actual part during a song where Jon (drummer) throws a stick at one of the cymbals - right on time. Endlessly inventive.

And then we took the stage, and again it went well. Being the constant worrier, I thought I could have sang better (#5), but oh well. I had some fun. And then the fun multiplied. Just next door at First Avenue, Guided By Voices was about to take the stage, and we were all invited! If there's any band you should drink a lot while listening to...

Robert Pollard jumped around and swung the mic like a maniac as the band ripped through all the hits. He tossed beers in the air, handed some out to the crowd, and smoked like a Chimney In Tahoe. (#6) During the set, someone yelled "Echoes Myron!" to which Bob explained, "the Bee Thousand songs are for the encore!" And he wasn't kidding. The first encore: Tractor Rape Chain, The Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory, Smothered in Hugs, I Am A Scientist, Echoes Myron. The second encore was Motor Away, My Valuable Hunting Knife, and Baba O'Reily (yes, the Who song).

And what would a trip to Minneapolis be without a trip to the most glorious restaurant on Earth, Pizza Luce! Hooray! After the GBV show, 4 of us headed over and we introduced Sean to a mashed potato pizza, and I introduced myself to some RiNOTta cheese, and then we both got introduced to evil Mr. Indigestion for eating so late.

It was around 1 AM when we got back to our hotel. We got in the elevator and who goes lumbering past as the door is about to close? The big man himself, Mr. Robert Pollard. Much like the merch guy in Madison, I run flailing and screaming towards him. Now I'm sure the conversation we had was hilarious, because we were both pretty comfortably numb... But it went something like this:

"Hey Bob (Pollard)!"
"Yes?"
"Great show tonight... Awesome!"
"Yeah"
"Yeah"
"..."
"Um, we're friends with your pal B in Dayton!"
"Yeah"
"We're playing at the El Diablo on March 24, and..."
"I'll be there!"
"Cool"
"Wait, when is it? May?"
"No March Twent-"
"I'll be there!"
"Awesome... well, have a good night"
"Bye"

And that was it. (#7) The Drunk Bobs In The Hotel Hallway (#8) and the meeting of another rock icon. Hopefully he makes it to the show. We need him for the rapidly winding down OP906.

STAY TUNED FOR DAY NUMBER THREE.

*footnotes*

(#1) Always me.

(#2) We had a great offer, too. C, who drove up from Chicago, offered a homemade waffle smorgasbord at her mom's place. I wanted to go so badly that I could taste the powdered sugar... but Dan rightfully cracked the whip. Ow.

(#3) Snowstorms crack me up. I always think of Pictionary. When I'm guessing (and someone else is drawing), my first guess is always "Snowstorm!" Followed by "Banana" once some ink is down on the paper... Last time I played a similar game (Cranium), also playing was D from John Doe Records, who, during a drawing of the word "castle" seriously thought the answer was "Cock N Balls" which he yelled excitedly. Little did we know that a few short weeks later, he'd be trying to throw a chair through a hotel window in Madison. Liquor was involved in both instances, as if I had to tell you.

(#4) Actually, Todd solicited Neil's help. Back in Madison, Todd tried to cut open a 6 pack of waters with his new Leatherman and ended up hitting his thumb. Who needs a thumb anyway? So Neil brought Todd a bottle of "Nu-skin" and Chris from Pele remarked that it was a shame that you can't buy "Nu-thumb".

(#5) There's a new song we've added to our set that requires some low register singing. Need to stretch out those cords. And a one and a two.

(#6) Sure sounds like it could be the name of a GBV song.

(#7) I should have bought him a drink and then told him about our cover of "A Salty Salute" and all that shite, but I didn't want to be that guy. Well, maybe I did, because when I got up to our floor, I tried to wake up Todd & Dan so they could come and hang out with us. They were having none of it.

(#8) Hopefully Robert Pollard is writing these great song titles down.
posted by Robert at 1:19 PM ***

Robert:

(begin weekend tour diary)

...DAY NUMBER ONE...
(some names have been altered to protect the ashamedly guilty)

We had been up in Milwaukee since Monday night. It was Friday morning, 3/8, 9:30, and Dan and Damon left to go pick up the van while I pretended I was still asleep on the pullout. In reality, Sean (on the couch) and I had been awakened several times between 6 and 8 by a horrific pounding just outside Damon's window. A pounding that seriously shook the entire foundation of the house. Some construction was being done on a nearby sewer. Yet in my groggly dazed state, I daydreamt that I was in Jurassic Park, complete with a nearby cup of water.

When they arrive, we hop in the van and head to the practice space. I thought this would be a good time to rock some AC/DC (Back in Black) from the pod through the car stereo. If there's any song that gets me pumped up to lift heavy equipment... it's the theme from The Benny Hill Show. But AC/DC will do just fine.

Through some usual snafu, we have rented a Dodge Ram instead of the usual Chevy Express. You'd think we'd be able to fit everything in the back, minus two seats, being the master 3-D Tetris artists that we are. But it's a no-go. The lucky person in the middle seat gets a special comfy pillow: Damon's bass drum. And so after a grand send-off at La Bou (see #1 below), we're on the road to Madison, which Dan keeps referring to as Mad Town. I DJ the whole way. As we pass Smart Studios, I play "Breaking Up the Girl" in honor of the 2 weeks we spent there with that really famous person, who is the nicest, most sincere rock icon I have ever met. Stay tuned for more meeting of rock icons.

Holy moses, life is roses, we're early, so we head right to the hotel where we're staying to drop off our gear. Sean decided to pack his entire apartment, along with an extra bag that's eerily shaped like a body, so we're all pretty anxious to clear the van.(#2) We all gather in one room and watch the last remaining scenes of the classic Tom Hanks & dog movie, Turner and Hooch. Now, beware. There are spoilers ahead that you may want to skip, that is, if you haven't seen this classic of modern cinema...

I only saw the very end of it, so I didn't get any back story, but Hooch dies at the end?! What a horrible ending! What studio head let that get past his big towering desk? And then the little Hooch in the closet - is that Hooch's son or something? It left me a little confused. But anyway, a great performance all around by Tom and the dog.

After we all dried our tears, it was off to The Annex for soundcheck. The Annex is a pretty cool little club behind a sports bar. The backstage room is the basement and it smells like 25 Years of Stale Beer That Was Poured Upon and Then Let Dry On 25 Wet Hooches, Which Were Then Rolled Through A Hyena Farm.(#4) Yet, we still use and abuse the room - it is the setting for mass friendly talkin and a drinkin throughout the evening. Once you're down there for 10 minutes or so(#5), you don't smell a thing. When you add Jim Sidious and Keef From The Earf, you have yourself what is known as instant-party.

Our good good friend, Mike's band called Blue Sky Major opened the show, and they rocked the house. I talked with their (new) singer for a little while in the basement and then watched them play, only to completely forget who he was later in the night when he came up to talk to me. I am getting old, I guess. I wanted to get a medium BSM shirt, but they only had large - they assured me it would shrink, but I think it would make a good bedsheet.

I completely missed the second band, Spitalfield, because I was in the van, singing. (#6) However, I did get one of their CDs and immediately recognized the name of the record label (Walk in Cold) as a Naked Raygun song (#7) and I saw that they were based in Downers Grove, and the guy who put it out was none other than the merch guy. So I say, "Hey, you're from Downers Grove, huh?" He replies, "Yes, and didn't you go to M High School?" My answer, "Yes." His response, "I went to B High School!"(#8) And then I say, "Really? Sean went to B High School." And then he freaks out. "Wait. Is that Sean O'Brien?!?! Oh my gosh!" And cuts our conversation short and runs flailing and screaming over to Sean. Apparently he was a fan of Sean's first band. I'll spare you (and Sean) the name of that band.

And then it was our turn, and it went well. I think I ate (#9) a little too close to showtime, which hindered my movement, and we were all just generally a little out of shape, but it was fun. We gather our stuff and load out through the mud. And then the night begins.

Many friends of ours had driven out from the show, from Chicago, from Milwaukee... so we all plan on hitting the nearest bar post-show. Well here comes fun, the hotel has one - and it's jumping. There is a jazzy band playing, featuring a double bass, two guitars, and a lead singer who not only shook an egg like no other, but played a vodka box that was on a stand and miked and everything! (#10) And just as we were coming in, a table opened in the front row.

So there we were, the 8 of us, drinking it all in. And halfway through a conversation (#11), D, who drove up from Chicago and is an employee of John Doe Records, decides that he'll be paying (#12) for the entire night of debauchery and orders us to order some shots. 4 Jamesson's later, I notice that the vodka box is filled with cobras, so I think it's time to head upstairs to pass out. But D from JD Records isn't done yet. He has a plan and we indulge.

20 minutes later, the hotel elevators are filled with furniture.(#13)

STAY TUNED FOR DAY NUMBER TWO

*footnotes*

(#1) There's a certain person that constantly emails me asking what I had to eat, so for his benefit, let me plug La Bou's amazing French Toast, made with a baguette! Amazing. Wait a minute, is that a hint of cinnamon?

(#2) Just kidding about the body, although Sean has informed us that he's packing light next weekend - only 4 backpacks this time.(see #3)

(#3) Just kidding about that, too. I just can't be serious. Too early, too much coffee.

(#4) Almost the name of our band.

(#5) With a clothespin on your nose.

(#6) I had the van running to generate some heat, it was pouring rain, and apparently we had a really great parking spot, because no less than 5 cars had stopped right next to us - assuming we were going to leave. I never said anything. I just waited it out. They generally looked pretty angry as they drove away. That's hilarious.

(#7) I was the first person to do that, apparently.

(#8) Big rivalry between the M B's and the B R's.

(#9) A veggie burger and fries, OK! Quit emailing me about it!

(#10) It's amazing the sounds that she got out of that Smirnoff box with brush sticks. Although, I think towards the end of the night, it was getting out of tune. Perhaps she should have considered the Absolut Brand. I see ads for that drum everywhere!

(#11) We were talking about a supposed party on the penthouse level that D thinks we can get into, provided we find some glowing beads to wear around our necks. Turns out it's some frat thing.

(#12) And when I say "he'll be paying", he really means "John Doe will be paying".

(#13) If anyone from this hotel is reading, it wasn't us. I suspect it was the visiting girls' volleyball team.
posted by Robert at 11:28 AM ***

dan:

Real busy too...I drove the spanish angle today..what a sweet ride she is..(dime)..I took the soob in for my guy to look at cause It be makin' some wierd noises-n-shit. Hopefully I'll get it back today. The gretts is fine also, but she be all sheddin' her hair like I be sheddin' my clothes on prom night. So I gotta brush her and comb her and love her so she doesn't become an extra hairy, itchy little gril. Speaking of grilling I canNOt wait to fire up ye-ole' webber when I get back this weekend..ooooh boy! Goin' to the foundry today to cut some steel for a couple hours..just gotta love it! It's a good trade to learn..Read Piano Bread yesterday and seriously flipped out! Very interesting material Jon! WOW..I mean whoa! Drinking lots of water and didn't drink any adult beverage last night, which is pretty amazing..I've got to chill a bit..dig? Kelly Rippa is not ugly but she is ditzy..sorry k-Kel..I had a compilation that k-tel put out but can only remember Mr. Roboto..Is that some wierd psycological trickery..tom foolery? Speaking of turkey hunting, I'm going in April..hopefully there will only be a BOOM and not a BOOM BOOM BOOM BAM SHIT!..gobble gobble..
Whatelse? See you at the empty bottle suckas...you know they come a dime a dozen..
peace out-
posted by dan at 9:24 AM ***

Robert:

Wow, it has been way too long. Well, we've been busy... and we're still pretty busy, but I plan on having a nice long-winded weekend tour diary up here for you to enjoy very soon.
posted by Robert at 9:00 AM ***