Oewihnc:

The word is 2:30, which means in a little less than a half an hour, i will be out that door so fast, i tell you what... I'm going to snuggle right into bed and let the world freeze outside for a while. I'm catching up on some shuteye! I need it. I need some rest and relaxation. I deserve it. By jove, i will HAVE it. it will be mine...

The weekend is shaping up to be its usual blur of train rides and the such. blah and the office corridors echo a muffled blah. I just found out that they are out of my frames at LENSCRAFTERS, so they've crafted my replacement with all they had left in my size: Sparkly year 2000 glasses. You know, where your eyes look through the middle zeroes? I may look like a complete fool now at work or reading on the train, but it's all i can afford. Don't make fun. It could happen to you.

Later, peoples! Take this job and shove it! i sure told them....
posted by Oewihnc at 2:12 PM ***

Oewihnc:

This has been (and sadly still is) the worst day here at work, EVER. Not only am i legally blind each time i try to read more than two lines of text, but i'm working on stuff that makes absolutely no sense to me. It seriously feels like i'm trying to negotiate brain surgery or something... and thus makes our potential early departure like glass hidden in the grass. It just means i have to do twice as much stuff twice as fast. What a fucking joke. Price of a round trip train ticket to Milwaukee: $40. Price of replacement glasses: $191... when i heard this i nearly flipped my wig. Flipping one's wig: Priceless.

Speaking of feeling like a key attached to a kite being flown in a lightning storm, I am so fucking charged up right now, that i'm getting shocked by every thing i touch. Keys, doors, chairs, drawers. Talk about extra paranoia i don't need... Usually you can shock other people, right? So when i realized my new special power, I tried to shock my evil nemesis, but to no avail. I ended up just touching his arm. What gives, Franklin?

I want out and i want it NOWsville. What time is it? 1? I should be just now rolling over in my bed hitting the snooze button. Instead, I'm sitting here pulling out my hair trying to negotiate rocket science. Phooey! and the valleys echoed Phooey!
posted by Oewihnc at 1:25 PM ***

Oewihnc:

Unfortunately, i'm getting the feeling that i'm not going to be able to get here too often today. I'll be too busy with my nose on my desk trying to read this report without the help of my glasses. Does anyone have a microscope? ... Sigh.
posted by Oewihnc at 9:21 AM ***

Robert:

Why? Why am i here? Why hath i been dealt such a dirty card? Evil tricks. I can't even stand it! The streets today were empty. Not a soul around. All of the working souls were snuggled in their beds dreaming of sugarplums and gumdrops and Katherine Harris and dancing crescent moons and carved wooden penguins singing "You're as cold as ice..." or maybe that's only what i dream about... Anyway, they're sleeping, that's for sure. Soon they will get up and shop.

And here I am, doing two peoples jobs today... and get this: yesterday on the train, I was reading Rabbit Redux and i got a little sleepy. It was freezing outside, i could tell by the slight draft coming through the window, but it was so toasty on the train... i took off my glasses and dozed off. When i awoke... alas, we were in my favorite city, Peoria. I mean, Chicago, and so i hopped up and started walking bleary eyed to the taxi stand... This morning as i rolled out of bed and towards the shower, my glasses most likely rolled off my train seat and onto the ground, ready to be crushed... I left them on the train! SHITE!

So I'm here at work, which sucks in its own right. I have to do two jobfulls of junk today. It all requires a lot of reading. I"m probagbly goikg to malke a lot of typhing erorrs today because i have no hglasses... The guy, you know the guy, won't shut up about his Thanksgiving. I'm sure it was great. I can;t see a thing. Blog, is that you?

Hopefully this will cheer me up. Name that tune. Winner gets a HM Christmas card. Title and Artist. EMAIL me.

"Everything that can go wrong will find itself come and gone."

CONTEST IS OVER. DETAILS TO COME.
posted by Robert at 8:46 AM ***

Robert:

The song "That Which is in the Way" by Smart Went Crazy is really good. Have someone put it on a mix tape/CD for you. I wish you a merry mix tape and a happy CD. Gotta go gear up for the fam. Not happy about working tomorrow.
posted by Robert at 3:56 PM ***

Pumpkin:

I'd like to let everyone know that there will be no games tomorrow, as i will not be stuck behind a desk all day. Instead i'll be stuck hanging out with a bunch of turkeys! Har har hargobblehar har... I may get to the ol blogaroo, but i wouldn't bet Plymouth Rock on it. Goodnight for now. I'm going to go start a protest... Let us leave now! We've got people to see, things to do! Stop this corporate oppression! We like Roy! No more stale coffee! Heck no, we won't stay here any mo!
posted by Pumpkin at 3:23 PM ***

Pumpkin:

Are you leaving work early today? I hope you forget something very important at work and have to go back! What am i still doing here? It's the worst when they give you the impression that it will be a short day, but then casually forget about it as we are dwindling into the final hour. My boss left here at 12:30, for jebus' sake! Perhaps if I go hide under some coats in the employee closet, everything will turn out OK.

Speaking of coats, i am reminded of a George Carlin joke:
You notice how you never seem to get laid much on Thanksgiving?

The winner of the contest was a swell sport named Jenna from my favorite city in Minnesota: Bemidji. I mean, Minneapolis. Unfortunately, she won the contest that has caught me at work with nothing too exciting to provide. All the prizes can't be colossal, you know. So she will win a copy of the take out menu from Sam's Grill, complete with my written warning to stay away from the Veggie Burger because it's giving me the business as i write this. I hope she doesn't hate me too much.

Answer to George Carlin joke:
It's probably because all of the coats are on the bed.
posted by Pumpkin at 2:51 PM ***

Pumpkin:

So cold. So very cold. Again, inside and outside. It's not really depressing, per se. The cold temperature here has this annoying stimulating effect happening... so you can imagine what happens when i try and warm up with a nice hot cup of coffee. Bananas. Whenever i get out of this hellhole, I'm heading up to Milwaukee via train, and i'm not too excited about that. I have this sneaking suspicion that the train station is going to be a mob scene... we'll see if i make it up.

Speaking of a mob scene, what is happening in Miami-Dade? They are sticking by the numbers they gave to everyone's favorite multi-millionaire K. Harris! So this leaves basically the dimpled ballots in Broward and Palm Beach to put Gore over Bush. I'm not sure that will happen. But what drama, huh? I'm at the edge of my seat...

Speaking of high drama, i think i'm going to go get some gum.
posted by Pumpkin at 1:30 PM ***

Jackson:

Alright... here we go. It's easy so get those search engines revved up. The first person to EMAIL me with the correct answer gets some sort of momento from my day here at work. I don't know what yet... I want SONG TITLE and ARTIST.

"I'm on a ride and i want to get off but they won't slow down the roundabout."

CONTEST IS OVER. WE HAVE A WINNER. DETAILS TO COME.
posted by Jackson at 12:05 PM ***

Pumpkin:

We've got a count ordered of the "undervotes" in Miami, a protest by GOP count observers, and a possible vice-president-elect in the hospital with chest pains. It seems as though my pleas have fallen on very receptive ears. I am now right back there, engulfed in the drama. A ruling here, a protest there, an eaten chad, a dimpled ballot... It's all too exciting for me here. What else am I going to do. Work? Ha. ha. ha. Don't make me laugh.

I don't even know what's going on. No recording was made last night. The elements were stacked up against me...
posted by Pumpkin at 10:52 AM ***

Robert:

We have done a successful count and recount, and we have found that the winner of yesterday's Name That Tuna was Gov. S. Pierce of Massachusetts, who correctly answered "canned." Or more precisely, the kind governor identified the lyric as being from one of my top 5 R.E.M. songs, "Hairshirt." He wins a City on Film 7". Congratulations. That should be out to you within 6 to 8 weeks. (just kidding)

There will be another contest today. Since I'm heading up to Milwaukee straight from work, it will have to be a done deal signed sealed delivered before 4, and actually word around the water cooler is: we're going to get off early today... So I'll tentatively plan it for about noon. The winner will receive something from my job here... I'm not sure what... I'm still looking for something, anything of value here.

In other news, i'd like to say DAMMIT. It's official. They will be re-releasing the Stanley Kubrick DVD's from the box set separately and WIDESCREEN. First Willy Wonka, now the whole damn box set... I have a feeling that Ebay will be buzzing with those throwaways... maybe i'll give them out as contest prizes! Maybe not.

Dick Cheney just had his fourth heartattack. Gotta run.
posted by Robert at 8:57 AM ***

Robert:

I lied. I change my mind too easily. This one's going to be easy. The first email i get with the correct answer nabs the record. Good luck. Here's the lyric:

"I could swing my megaphone, and long arm the rest."

THE CONTEST IS OVER. Someone has won. I'll give you the details soon.
posted by Robert at 5:53 PM ***

Dr. Franklin:

I'll be right over.
posted by Dr. Franklin at 3:24 PM ***

Jackson:

I love trivia. I've mentioned before how i've taken to Scrabble as the game to end all games. In second place is Beyond Balderdash... but coming in a close third: Trivial Pursuit. Whew. Love it... This is why i've decided to make today's contest a little tougher and more in depth. Oh man. Can't wait. It will be at around 5:30 and the winner will receive a City on Film "Two Hour Anniversary" 7"...

Why is this so infuriating? My cohort was just doing that airy cartoon laugh that i hate. He then asked if i wanted him to forward over some joke to me. Apparently it's hilarious... I doubt it. I don't go for that looney toon humor, buddy. It just doesn't work well on paper. They're pumping the heat now here at work and i'm starting to not feel so great, healthwise. Send a doctor. Quick.
posted by Jackson at 3:22 PM ***

Jackson:

A little less than two hours to go, and, as usual, it's not going fast enough... I've been thinking of some good lyrics for the you know what later in the day. I'm thinking I might do it at 5:30-ish. Sound good? It's going to be an easy one and one that is easily searchable, but i don't give a flying hoot. I may actually ask a part two to the question, just to make it a little more involved... i'll do some research.. what the heck else am i going to do here? work? ha. ha. ha.

Don't make me laugh.

And another thing. What's up with the CNN website? I need fuel. I need need need it. I am staring blankfaced at a blank screen. Work seems to have successfully erased everything so I just can't think straight. I don't even know what i'm saying. I think I need to learn some yoga poses to do here at work because right now i don't feel like thinking or moving. Grumble.
posted by Jackson at 2:29 PM ***

Jackson:

I am well into the pre-lunch drone. With mr. fancypants doing most of what i usually do, this leaves me with a lot of time to ponder some interesting questions... What the hell am i even doing here? Why is it so cold in here? Where am i going to eat lunch? What am I going to do tonight?

And then i grant equal time in sorting out the answers: I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. and lastly, I have absolutely no idea.

Actually tonight, I will be finally recording a song that will be released on a split 7" with my pal Elizabeth Elmore. The song is an ol' City on Film ditty called "Forgiveness." It will be released sometime early next year on an as yet unannounced label. I need food, sleep, and always more time.
posted by Jackson at 12:15 PM ***

Jackson:

It's freezing again. Outside, inside, everyone, everywhere. It's making it very hard for me to concentrate on the matter at hand... which is learning some new stuff here at work. To be honest, I never thought i'd be forced to learn the ancient language of Jibberish-ese... but basically, that's what i'm trying to do. It's all just nonsense to me at the moment... so I'm taking a breather for the moment... and then i have to continue deciphering...

I don't think I mentioned the advent of a new HM song called "Everybody's Working for the Weak." I'm pretty excited about it. Judging by the amount of material provided to me every day, you can expect the song to have around 52 verses.
posted by Jackson at 10:57 AM ***

Robert:

I would like to be the first to congratulate and thank Blogger for upgrading. I still can't believe they ran the operation for so long on an early model Commodore 64, 8,1. I'm glad they decided to add the Speak n' Spell for that extra technological boost. I also hear that they are working on a humorous coconut-fueled super-antenna, which they will use to hopefully flag down passing ships in their continuing effort to escape from the South China Sea... i kid. I'm a kidder. please don't hurt my blog.

So most likely, the Florida Supreme Court will rule as to whether the recounted votes from Broward, Miami-Dade, and Palm Beach should count in the statewide certification. This whole mess is growing less interesting by the minute. If i refresh the CNN website one more time and see that graphic with the two candidates' faces and the outline of Florida, I'm going to go weep in the corner of my cubicle. Aren't they concerned about their nailbiting public? their slipping ratings? I would suggest perhaps adding a new goofy character to the fold, a la Poochie or the mayor of Miami. Guest stars usually help, too. Tony Randall really wows em. Ditto Rich Little. and Joan Rivers is comedy gold.

Well, it's time to go try and get through Tuesday.... Talk to you later.
posted by Robert at 9:01 AM ***

Dr. Franklin:

Being a seasoned physician, I am guaranteed to recognize and correctly diagnose a successful operation. Hence, I am posting this just as celebration for the return of Blogger. Look at how fast it is. Woo. Hoo. I thank you. Goodnight.
posted by Dr. Franklin at 8:57 PM ***

Robert:

Woohoo. It looks like i have my blog back. That is very very exciting. I was about to look for other means to vent my anguish. But here we are...

The winner of the last NTT was Dr. G. Loyer, and he gets a pretty sweet Almost Famous poster... So here are some thoughts about the whole contest thing: The kind Doctor (and not to mention a few people who emailed about the last NTT) has informed me that he was unfamiliar with the song, and that he had found the answer whilst searching the internet.... perhaps on Google, perhaps some lyric database, maybe encrypted into the listings on Ebay... i don't know how he did it, but he did it, and he won and he's a-gonna get a postah.... So, i'm not sure how to proceed. I was pretty psyched with the response to the first one, but no one seemed to know this last one and i found myself at work, sitting, waiting for a correct answer, instead of doing what i created this blasted blog for: COMPLAINING ABOUT WORK.

Hence, here's what i've decided. I'm going to keep doing a NTT thing, however, I'm going to do them after i get home from work (so they won't interfere with my usual rants) AND there going to be somewhat easy.... So you best be the first one to see them if you want to win some glorious prizes... I figure that at least some of you will know it instantly and email me right away, and the "searchers" will be busy searching while you're busy winning fabulous gifts, courtesy of moi.

I dig yellow curry soup, duct tape, and staples, but not together of course. Viva mi blogger. Kisses, hugs, bugs...
posted by Robert at 8:52 PM ***

Dr. Franklin:

Ok. Here we go. Now, I've been told of some easy ways to search for lyrics over the internet, so for this one, i made sure it wasn't so easy. The winner gets an 11x17" poster for the excellent Cameron Crowe movie, Almost Famous. Remember, EMAIL me the title and artist. Good luck. Here goes nothing:

"...like life is so unfair, yes, and this is so unfair, but i didn't leave you behind. You're still ahead of me."

SOMEBODY HAS WON. The answer is "Things That Make No Sense" by Dag Nasty. I'll post tonight about my thoughts on these contests and other things... like yellow curry soup, duct tape, and staples...
posted by Dr. Franklin at 1:54 PM ***

Dr. Franklin:

Well, now. I figured out the problem. It seems that one of my cohorts, a mr. dan keehn, decided to post something with a word that was about 10000 characters long. Something like "yeeeeaaaaahhh" about a walleye or something... Hence, messing up the margins. Glad that's over with. One hour until "Name That Tune"-time. Are you ready? It's going to be a tough one...
posted by Dr. Franklin at 1:09 PM ***

Dr. Franklin:

Please bear with me as i cry like a little weeping baby.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
i thank you.

This morning, i combated frustration with a co-worker by complimenting a different
co-worker... so in a somewhat related situation, i started to list all of the "pros" of
using Blogger... But then i realized that my huge balloonful of sarcasm was
threatening to blow at any second... so i deleted the whole thing before i posted
anything that i would come to regret.

Here's what i do know: This blog is such a lifeline when i'm here at work,
and now i feel like it's being cut. Please somebody help! Everything has gone
haywire. The posts now stretch two pages wide for some reason. There is no
margin on the edges of the pages. The table on the left with the links has gotten
skinnier somehow. And someone please turn on the heat here!

I'd like to end this post by, again, crying like a little whining baby:
Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
I thank you.
posted by Dr. Franklin at 11:04 AM ***

Dr. Franklin:

Everything is so cold here at work. The temperature is cold. The people are cold... So you know what i did?
I went up to my shadowing friend and let him know that he's been doing a great job lately and to keep it up.
Because a different person made me want to quit today more than ever... so i'm counteracting it with a compliment...
that always seems to work... and it did. He seemed happy.

In contrast to my mental work anguish, i recently got an email from someone who recently went through some
physical work anguish, and since he's going to be hanging out at home for a while, he wanted me to list my
top ten books and movies, so he can occupy his long days at home... I tell you, pal, i really envy you. (except for the
severely injured hand, of course. Man, that sucks.)

Not exactly all time top tens, but what popped into my head:
MOVIES
10. Love and Death
09. The Deer Hunter
08. Search and Destroy
07. Barton Fink
06. The King of Comedy
05. Magnolia
04. Goodfellas
03. Good Will Hunting
02. Annie Hall
01. Life is Beautiful

BOOKS
10. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Kesey
09. Dubliners - Joyce
08. Lady Sings the Blues - Holiday
07. Sailor Song - Kesey
06. Rabbit at Rest - Updike
05. Dharma Bums - Kerouac
04. Infinite Jest - Wallace
03. Deadeye Dick - Vonnegut
02. On the Road - Kerouac
01. Cat's Cradle - Vonnegut
posted by Dr. Franklin at 10:12 AM ***

Robert:

Aw, blog, you're the best. Monday has come back to haunt all of us, and this morning we were all out of French Vanilla coffee creamer. That's so Monday. Classic Monday behavior... The weekend went by like a flash. Friday "get things done and then dine" night, Saturday to Milwaukee for practice, and then on Sunday, a 1:00 train to Glenview and then a $42 cab ride to Woodfield Mall and then a 45 minute drive to Lemont for 45 minutes at a family event and then 45 minutes back to Woodfield and then 45 more minutes in traffic into my favorite city, Peoria. I mean, Chicago. And it was snowing snowflakes the size of cannonballs the whole dern way. I then put up a cabinet, a shelf, and some framed movie posters, with somebody's help of course... otherwise, i'd be posting from the ER, given my history with anything related to building anything. And then i started writing in nothing but run-on paragraphs.

A co-worker just got an email featuring a dancing Gore, Bush, Cheney, and Lieberman... and now she is showing me a presidential ballot with moving punch holes... Technology at it's finest, i guess. Now if i could only get my damn DVD player to work on my little bedroom TV...

Speaking of little bedroom TV's, we are in the process of securing tickets to a taping of Price is Right when we're in LA in a few weeks. I already plan on driving my new car home from California.

Speaking of a new car, there's going to be another "name that tune" contest today, probably around 2. I know what the prize is, but i'm not telling you just yet.
posted by Robert at 8:44 AM ***