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 Your Hey Mercedes weblog. The Cast: Robert Nanna Damon Atkinson Todd Bell Michael Shumaker Dan Keehn Chris Bickert Norman Arenas Ryan Snyder 
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November 10, 2000
Dr. Franklin: It is late and there is a nice warm bowl full of delicious yellow curry soup waiting for me at the Bangkok Cafe, so for today, and most likely the rest of the weekend - consider me gone - the way of the dodobird.... This is the night of the expaaaaaanding man.
Dr. Franklin: Anybody see the original movie 12 Angry Men? Well, I'm getting a little red notch on each side of my nose from where my glasses lay. I'm not a fan of this recent development... Any thoughts? ... Also, the votes are in and it's official, my neighbor has been hereby elected "office oaf of the year." I would like to be the first to echo the congratulations already leveed by the heads of this office. They have released this statement: "Even though he's only been here a few weeks, we feel confident awarding him this honor, with the promise of continued unparalleled oafishness throughout this year, and most likely many years to come. We'd like to thank Dr. Flowers for bringing this to our attention, by letting us know that 'as a seasoned physician, [he] fucking can't stand the guy.' " This has been a long long day. Too long. While we're abolishing the Electoral College, can we do something about abolishing these long torturous workday hours? And while we're at it, abolish these damn windows, they're filthy!
Dr. Franklin: The party is so over for me. Not only am i stuck here in a big fat ditch of quicksand, but i also got in a bit of trouble over my decision to muffle the old dinger, if you catch my drift... We also had some pizza, and i begrudgingly took part. Now i feel like i'm being stabbed in the chest with a butter knife. Damn that pizza. Damn it all. I should know better. It's a silent killer. So how does it feel to be living in a country with such blatant political unrest a-brewing? Exciting? Do you feel like this is exactly the problem with our exclusive two party dance club? Well, there's this website (thanks to usagainstthem) you can check out... Would you like all hell to break loose? And I sit patiently here refreshing CNN every five minutes awaiting the answer to it all. What the hell else am I going to do? Huh?
Dr. Franklin: It's 10 AM and the hurt has begun. I have run out of websites to check and there's just nothing interesting going on with the election... I mean how much partisan bickering can one lonely doc take! Being a seasoned physician, I can only predict that this vote hullabaloo will have a chilling negative effect on the health of the American public. Why just yesterday as I was cleaning my stethoscope, I felt sick to my stomach... out of nowhere... I put the stethoscope to my chest and was shocked to hear not one beat! I then realized that I had left the amplifying end in a cleaning solution on the counter, and i actually wasn't holding a stethoscope at all, but a pair of rolled up socks! That would explain why I heard nothing... I also blame the election for the fact that i'm losing my mind. Some good news is that it's a food day here at General Hospital, so I've been stuffing my face with donuts all morning... and then refilling my coffee mug, cause you just gotta have donuts with coffee! My dastardly co-worker has taken what looks like a 17 pound cinnamon roll into custody... and is ripping through it, much like his friend Taz, spraying crumbs all over his desk and the floor. If you listen closely you can hear that buzzing sound, like when the Devil is ripping through trees...
Dr. Franklin: Well, people. It looks like it's offical - PT Anderson and Adam Sandler - making a movie. I am very much in favor of this pair up. We all know how funny Adam Sandler can be, even though his movies have gone right down the tubes, with Little Nicky looking like his worst yet... and we all know how talented PT is! The funny moments in his movies - Hard Eight ("I don't use matches"), Boogie Nights ("You got the touch"), and Magnolia ("I will dropkick those dogs") - were hilarious! Which makes this tag team so intriguing. PT's got 3 critically acclaimed films in the bag. Adam's got 6 or so critically trashed films in the bag. Which one will end their streak with this little number? Here's another tidbit.
Robert: Some late breaking news: Apparently out of nowhere, the Tazmanian Devil has pulled ahead in Florida's recount with a lead of 201 votes. This is significant, taking into consideration the bulk of the overseas absentee vote is Floridians living in Tasmania. Does anyone reading this live in or around West Palm Beach? Is it a madhouse or what? I am intrigued. I can't get the sand out of my shoes... Being in Florida has done a number on my blues... November 9, 2000
Pumpkin: Blogger was giving me the biz again... but it looks like they have pulled it through, bless their kind hearts. I was starting to feel quite caged without access to my blog... my one true consistent and constant lifeline while (speaking of caged) at work... No surprise. Technical problems all around here as well. Printers fizzling out, copiers starting on fire, mass hysteria. I am doing more work than yesterday, but it's still an uphill battle with some of the clowny clowns around here. Honestly, I feel like sometimes I'm really working in a circus... I feel the great 2:00 numb coming on... combined with a downer from a lunchtime sugar extravaganza. I am regretting it... yeah... bigtime. Shouldn't have bought that big package of Rainblo gumballs... but i couldn't help it... I can't wait... till i moove to the citaaaay... till i finally make up my mind... to learn design... and study overseas...
Robert: Since the blog today has been proclaimed election-speculation-free, for your fix, you should go here. They update almost as much as i do!
Pumpkin: What a grand waste of time this whole work thing is. A big fat waste of time. As I was packaging up shirts this morning, I glanced around my semi-clean room, and sighed. I was awake at 6 AM! Think of all of the great things I could do before 12! That's six hours of web design, songwriting, room cleaning, shopping, cooking, breakdancing, barnstorming, etc... Instead, I'm forced to be here, completely vacant, staring at a screen, complaining. What a joke. What a sham. This is certainly no wingding... and to top it off, apparently my "season" ends after Thanksgiving! What gives? I should be enjoyed year-round if you ask me. Yesterday I did about oh, 10 minutes of work. This is getting ridiculous. My feelings for my cartoonish compadre and my growing distaste for what i'm doing is really hampering my progress... Speaking of hamper, i should be doing laundry right now. I didn't have any clean pants this morning, so i fashioned a toga out of an extra bedsheet. Work: a waste of time, I tell you.
Robert: What a bore. The problem with America today is there's nothing exciting in the news anymore. Hello, everybody. Since we've got a long time to wait before it is decided who gets to wear the big frilly pants... in today's blog, I will not mention anything about you know what or either of the you know whos... because, frankly, it's driving me batty with opinions. I'm getting pelted from both sides. I'm getting attacked on TV by a motley crew of elderly Jewish women. I'm getting thoroughly disgusted with that guy on MSNBC. Have you been watching? The guy in the middle. The eeyore with the goatee and the greasy matted hair. He even talks like Eeyore.... So enough of that... I did not go up to Milwaukee last night because of what i'll call "the Ikea incident." But I will be travelling up to the Dairyland this weekend with two of the funniest people in Chicago... I then will practice with 3 of the funniest people in Milwaukee. I will then probably ride the unfunniest train back to Chicago. Gettin' ready for some wild mood swings... There's something about the air in Chicago today that reminds me of Europe. Specifically Germany. Now, I don't know how Germany feels in the fall, cause i've only been there in the winter, but walking to work today in the fall really brought back some memories of Germany in the winter. Confusing? I thought so... I don't know why really. It's drizzling subtle ice ever so lightly... it's gloomy in a good way. In an awakening kind of way. Maybe this is just the pumpkin muffin talking... Everytime i tell the funniest man in Chicago that I go to Ikea sometimes, he says to me: Bob, you are not your khakis. November 8, 2000
Robert: URGENT: Click here to help petition Florida Gov. Jeb Bush to repoll Palm Beach County: http://www.workingforchange.com/activism/activism_process.cfm This "butterfly" ballot in Palm Beach county was unfair and misleading (especially to the huge elderly population of the county). I just witnessed a POSSE of elderly women on CNN, who basically are mad as hell and surprised that Buchanan got even ONE vote in their county. This is serious. This is an outrage. This must be dealt with. Your involvement will help. I thank you.
Drunk: It's a real shame... but George and I (hic) have a lot in common, you know? The day of blogging is over. Amen, I'm checking out.
Robert: Well, it turns out the "forgotten" ballot box was actually filled with supplies and no votes. Darn. It's over and it really sucks...
Drunk: If Bu(ll)sh(it) is given the presidency tonight, I hereby proclaim to America that I will, in a deliberate act of protest, drink very heavily this evening and then nod off to sleep in the fetal position weeping in the corner of a blank walled room... or my name's not Drunk E. Henderson. It will take a miracle for Gore to pull this off. Perhaps it will come from the miracle box found in that Dade County church. Perhaps the Palm Beach ballot controversy. Perhaps it will be found out that most of Bush's ballots were actually thin slices of Swiss cheese. Who knows? The whole thing is a sham, and i for one am not going to do the shimmy. You read me, buster? Now, should the Democrats contest all of this voting controversy? I sure want them to, but i really don't think they will. Why draw all of this out anymore? The word around work here is that they should just re-poll the entire state of Florida. I don't think there's a snowball's chance of that happening. There would just be mass outrage. But you know what? I'm pretty outraged. Apparently, some other people are, as well.
Robert: Even more controversy! Forgotten ballot box??? It's official. We've got a soap opera on our hands.
Drunk: I'm sure everyone knows about this: *** In a separate controversy, Palm Beach County voters complained that their punch card ballots had the names of presidential candidates on two pages instead of one. The voters said it led to confusion and they may have voted for Reform Party candidate Patrick Buchanan when they had intended to vote for Gore. "I saw it myself with my own eyes," Rep. Robert Wexler, D-Florida, told CNN. "I talked to hundreds of people. There is no doubt there was mass confusion in Palm Beach County yesterday at the ballot box, which resulted in at least it seems about 3,000 plus votes for Pat Buchanan and I know that that's incorrect." *** Why, oh why put us through such torture? Let the people of Palm Beach County vote again! THREE-count! THREE-count! THREE-count!
Drunk: Why are they torturing us? I wish they would just get right down to brass tax and give us an answer so we can try and get on with our lives... as best we can. I was just given a rundown of Bush's stance on gay issues (from the Rolling Stone - Al Gore article) and they are just monstrously inhuman. What the fuck is going on, people? When I read about his stance on women's issues and gun control and education, i swear to god i want to fucking puke. And that is NOT the alcohol talking! By the way, I'm at my computer all day. Monday, I won't be.
Robert: I spoke to my pal on the phone. He said he must be watching the wrong news program because they show Weezy Jefferson actually surpassing both candidates in Electoral votes. I assured him that he was indeed watching the wrong stations... I'd also like to scold the networks for pulling such a dastardly trick on us. At about 9 PM last night, they said that Gore had Florida, and we all breathed a sigh of relief. But it was all for naught now, wasn't it? Herefore to, I vow give my TV the frowning of a lifetime no matter what channel it is on. Friends - FROWN. Will and Grace - FROWN. Emeril Lagasse - FROWN. This Old House - FROWN. The Geena Davis Show - TRIPLE FROWN. I'm just kidding. I still like some TV shows. Not many, though.
Drunk: The best part about having this name is when i log into blogger, it says "Welcome back, Drunk." ... So if i may be so frank... I've always liked Florida. All of my bands' shows there were exciting and the people are great, too. I can't make any personal statements about the elderly population there, but i'm sure their a pretty OK troop... But every damn time I enter the state, some wave of allergy sweeps over me like none i have ever seen (or not smelled). What kind of plants you got a-growing there? What's in your water? Why do I feel like a big stuffed animal whenever i'm there? ... Anyway, the votes are coming in and it's looking like it will be Bush by a guitar string... So I make this statement, and it may be the alcohol talking, but I pledge to give Florida the frowning of a lifetime next time i come through. That's right, I said it. As soon as I cross that border - look for the frown. I'm going to especially give an evil glare to the "welcome" sign. I'm going to frown at every palm tree i can find. I'll make sure that we pull over at that first travel rest stop and frown at the vending machines. I will then stomp back to the van and frown at the pavement. I'll frown so hard it will hurt as we pass DisneyWorld. As we go over that huge beautiful bridge from Pensacola to Gulf Breeze - FROWN. When we are chilling on Miami Beach - FROWN. When i'm wheezing and a sneezing in Jacksonville - FROWN... Yeah, it's the alcohol talking. I'm just kidding. I'll still like Florida. My frustration will be gone in a wink. Hopefully like the next four years...
Drunk: As noted yesterday, I'm going to be at a different terminal for most of the day... Away from my screen... Away from the world outside. Away from le'blog. Burp... So don't cry for me... just know that i'm thinking about you, luke... always. this job sucks.
Robert: Oh hell. Remember my win win win situation? Nader gets 5%, Bush wins popular, Gore wins Electoral... Well, we're pretty close to a lose lose lose situation! Woe is America. Nader did not get 5%. Gore is winning popular, but Bush may get more Electoral with Florida, dangling there in the balance... As for my competition last night, it was Beck's Dark by a landslide. November 7, 2000
dan: "hello hello hello! We are the ex-presidents." What movie? Too easy for you? It's a total classic! I'm just punchin in here to let you know that, yes I voted today as well and that's all I gotta say about that. I think the tree rat that I trapped in my roof has now passed away..I felt really bad when I heard the scratching and I immediately thought of the movie Serpent and the Rainbow... when that guy gets buried.........poor squirl. Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting off tonight so I can go home and relax..I'm a cop and I'm outta here..
Robert: Blogger, Blogger, why are you giving me the biz? I get scared when i write a long tirade and then have it disappear. Affinity already did that to me this week, and let me tell you, i don't like it. Not one stinking bit... But in other news, there is no other news... and dare I say i am hardpressed to even list 10 albums that came out this year, period! What is my problem? Am i losing my mind? I got a firm 6, but then the 7th is one that i'm not sure i liked too much... but it did come out in 2000, which is a plus... whatever. It's too much to think about when i've got other, more global concerns on the brain... and where the heck is Infinite Jest? ...How are those Atari games doing? ... Tonight I'm going to be sending out some Hey Mercedes shirts. The Ebay experiment, as i like to call it, went very well, but at that time: the shirts were in Milwaukee, and then we were going on tour, so when i got back, all of the shirts were gone! But never ever fear. If you ordered a shirt and haven't yet received it, send me an email with your address, size, and design, and i will send you a special gift for your trouble, along with the shirt (got hundreds of them now). Perhaps a hand crafted mix CD to let you know that we appreciate your patience... I'll post this on our news page tomorrow. Feels good. Would anybody be interested in Are You Wearing a Wire Wear?
Oewihnc: I got a rousing response to my post about my favorite animal... and the fascinating fact which i find adorable, hilarious, and sad at the same time... I get nervous pretty easily and once i've got my mind on something... it's near impossible to get it out. I need to stop thinking about the election. I need to start thinking about lunch. Bands. Animals. Cars. Songs. Albums. Aha.... I've been prompted to give my top ten albums of 2000. That should occupy my mind for awhile...
Oewihnc: Biting your nails yet? This day is gearing up to be long and draaaaaaaawn out, but with a lot of dumb posts, at least. You see, tomorrow, I'm going to be away from my desk for the most part, so my contributions will be few and far between. I'll try my best not to let you down, though. I care. Don't ever think that I don't care. Heck, tomorrow night we'll even update the damn Hey Mercedes page, what do you think of that? Apparently downstairs, they had a mock election at the bakery. All of Gore's baked goods were gone, so i guess that means he won. That is little consolation for some of the employees here that are sweating a Bush presidency bigtime. One girl came over to talk to someone in my area and said "I think we're in trouble." ... Aside from all of the issues, a reason I'm sweating the possibility is I just flat out don't like him. If I have to see his ugly mug in the newspapers and on the TV for four years, ooh boy. I know that some people frown upon the big anti-Bush wave as a big scare tactic, but i thought these websites were funny and enlightening: www.georgebush2000.com * www.gwbush.com * www.fearbush.com
Oewihnc: Hi. I'm assuming you can pronounce my name as follows: O-wenk Fa-DE-quick-noun. You see what being at work here can do to a person? I have been sucked free of creativity and forced to seek random options in selecting the perfect nom de plume. So anyway... this day is going to be a strain on old Oewihnc's nerves because suddenly everyone is a political expert. Everyone's got their own little philosophies and opinions, and in moderation (maybe once a month), i could tolerate... but now we've got them all smashed into one 8 hour period! With the Tazmanian Devil peeking from behind, my archnemesis says that he will vote for Nader, because he really hasn't heard anything about Bush or Gore. Before I let him know that he's an idiot for not knowing anything about the candidates, I ask if he thinks that the Green Party will get the 5% needed for funding in the next election. As I say Green Party, he looks at me confused. "Green Party? What are you talking about?" I calmly turn back to my monitor to post on the blog thinking to myself, "For what it's worth to this clown, he way as well write in "Tazmanian Devil" for President. (warning: following lyric snippet from phil collins. read with caution). it's just another day for you and me in paradise.
Robert: Well, here we are folks. The dream we all dream of. Me versus Everyone Else in the World Series of Work... I got up this morning at about 6:30 and voted. Since the address on my voter's registration card was one number off and it was too late to get it changed, i actually had to travel to the polling place that represented the false address on my card. Does this mean I'm going to get arrested? It was only right down the block, so I didn't really mind. I was on the guest list when i arrived. No "plus one," though, which kind of annoyed me... The pumpkin muffin this morning was fair, but the dark roast coffee from the bakery downstairs really turned it around for me. Speaking of turning around, I think the two are involved in a heated battle in my stomach, so I'm sending in some water to help officiate. In pondering Tuesday's negative-post alias, I will rest my head on the keyboard. November 6, 2000
Robert: Cold. Rainy. Gloomy. Windy. Chicago. The perfect setting for my Monday mood... actually, you could change that to read any weekday. Why make Monday seem so special? Hot Water Music signs to Epitaph. At the Drive In rocks the Metro. Franklin Flowers MD wastes away into obvilion at mind-numbing job. News at 11. I shouldn't be too harsh, though. We have 3 songs brewing in development for 12/2 at the Fireside, so that's optimistic. I'm planning on heading up to Milwaukee on Wednesday for more practice... and then again on the weekend... Should I just bite the bullet and charge a nice new laptop so i can check email and watch DVD's on the way to and fro? It's tempting... but then I have to remember that I'm working to save money. Easy, killer. They'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done. Speaking of counting, I just found out where to vote near my new pad, so my tentative plan is to get up a little bit early to go do my business before I head to work... Getting up early. The mere sound of it makes me cringe.
Dr. Franklin: If i had to give a one word description of my looney next door neighbor, it would be: absolutely-fucking-infuriating. I'd tell you why, but you already know. Is there some Calgon in the house?
Dr. Franklin: Monday, Monday... As usual, we are faced with a big fat bore of a Monday. No big news and a lot of the same here at the old desk. Sigh. The morning pumpkin muffin just didn't do it for me and the coffee isn't waking me up... it's just making me jittery and anxious. Speaking of things that are bad for one's voice, I also enjoyed some pizza last night. A whole half of a medium pizza just sitting there in my system while i toss and turn myself to sleep. Disgusting! I also topped it off with a half a bottle of Merlot. Yuckola! I then drank a 40 of OE. Yikes! I then took a bottle of Boone's (Strawberry Hill) and smashed it over my head. Yowzers! ... oh enough, already. You see how I try and make things more exciting than they really are? It's a downfall of being sucked into this sterile vacuum for 8 long hours everyday. Being a seasoned physician, I can honestly say that if I woke up every morning at 7 and knocked myself out with some heavy sedatives or perhaps a polo mallet, and sat and stared at a wall for 8 hours... it would probably feel exactly the same as being here. I get nothing done. Nothing, I tells ya. So while my evil counterpart selects some new Tazmanian Devil desktop wallpaper, I'm going to go into a temporary shutdown mode... until i'm motivated to do otherwise. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Dr. Franklin: This place sucks. I came in late today just to spite them all! Actually, I had to negotiate some last minute ironing, due to the undone piles of laundry in my room... So that's why I was a bit tardy this morning. This was one of those weekends where you seem to do so so much but in the end you just realize that there's twice as much that still needs to get done... It's a shame I wasn't able to make it to the amplified party on Saturday. I wanted to go. I was psyched to do some karaoke... but instead I got caught up in the magnet that is my apartment and by the time i was ready... it was too late and i was too tired. I'm such an old doctor.
Robert: The only politically charged post of the day: You know what would be absolutely hilarious? If Nader gets 5%, insuring funding for the Green Party, and then Bush wins the popular vote, but Gore gets more Electoral College votes! Man, that would be funny. A win win win situation if you ask me. Not only wouldn't we have to worry about some shady right wing presidential agenda, but think about how pissed off those smug old Bush supporters are going to be! I'm imagining that lady that blatantly cut me off this morning on Lake Shore Drive as a Bush supporter. She won't be smiling then, will she? HA! But seriously forks, on Wednesday we'll know for sure... so that should be an interesting day of posts on many sites. Personally, I'm getting sick of the whole shabang. All of this negativity on TV. All of the campaign's "spinsters." They just make me want to toss my pumpkin muffins. (Especially you, Karen!) I'm just sick of reading about it all. So tomorrow we'll all vote and then we'll have to stretch out and wait. After seeing the Saturday Night Lives this weekend, I can say that the ONLY upside (and i'm really reaching here) to having W as president, is we get to see Will Ferrell do his spot-on impersonation for a few more years. Seriously. That first skit on SNL was priceless! The flask binocluars. The map of the US with Mexico going up to about Kansas. The great lakes on fire! Hilarious. The rest of the show wasn't that great, but Will... oh boy. And what was up with Jimmy Fallon during the news? Anyway, i think i should get on with some negative posts about work. |